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In my own words: "I was flying from SFO to PDX on Friday, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like' what the heck? So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. If you're going to Portland, you're in the right place. If you're not going to Portland, you're about to have a really long evening. The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now. A greenhorn visiting Alaska was talking to two old sourdoughs.